Where do all the tears go?

Well I think I know where the oceans and the seas come from. The waters are made up of all the tears cried by mothers. Mothers who watch their sons go off to war. Mothers who bury their newborn children, Mothers who are mothers in spirit but not in flesh. But saddest of all mothers who have to leave their baby on a street corner, or in a park, hoping someone will find them and take them to an orphanage.

I just found out today that the cut off for referrals for this month in China is the 24th October 05. This means with a LID (Logged in Date) of the 26th October 05 for our dossier that we missed out on seeing our son or daughters face by 48 hours. Selfish of me huh? That I am sitting here bawling my eyes out over 48 hours which in turns translates to waiting another month before we get the call to say that China has a son or daughter for us. 

Some friends of mine said, “Don’t worry. It means you will definitely be allocated next month now”. Yeah they’re right, it does! But it does not take away the pain of another month of sleepless nights knowing that my child, the very centre of my heart, is in China without me. Who is hugging her and dressing her for bed? Who is taking her for walks and bathing her? I am sure that a very confident ‘Ayi’ (Aunty) is doing this, but the problem is I’m her Mum. I have not met her yet, I did not give birth to her but I am her Mum. She should be with me. So I can kiss her tiny fingers and tell her why she is the greatest gift that God has given me.

And through all of this selfish thinking that I have there is still one part of my heart that is breaking for a woman I may never meet who will never get to kiss those sweet little fingers again. A birth mother that due to culture and society chose to abandon her child. My heart breaks for her also. I promise this unknown mother that I will love her child with all my heart.

So, yeah, I know I can get through another month, but I pray that while I am agonising here that God will hedge my darling about with His angels and she will be safe warm and comforted until I can hold her in my arms. I also pray that her birth mother will know peace also.

 Signing off

A very soggy Rachel tonight….

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Debbie Alderson (Ashley)
    Mar 09, 2007 @ 12:30:18

    Hi Rach,

    I’m so disappointed for you but I hope and pray that God is with you and Albert through this time and that he helps to prepare you for things that you may not have thought of. We have an awesome God and I am sure he will be with you and your precious baby during this time until you meet and oh what a wonderful day that will be.

    Reply

  2. Kimmy
    Mar 11, 2007 @ 21:51:25

    Rachel, you and Albert are going to be such wonderful parents to this precious little soul God has for you to take care of. I like to think that when we cry, God is crying too because He feels the pain and sorrow that we are feeling. He wants to see His children happy and I know that you guys are going to be sooooo happy very soon. I love you both heaps!

    Reply

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