Heart Mama

Mother and Baby 

I wanted to be a mother right from the very start.

To find I could not bare a child nearly broke my heart. 

~

I wanted to be a mother and feel life grow beneath my heart

The knowledge of being barren was like a poison dart. 

~

I wanted to be a mother when others wanted the career. 

So when they became pregnant I did not want them near. 

~

I wanted to be a mother but instead felt that I’d been robbed.

In the darkness of my deep despair I cried out to my God. 

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God, I cried you made me a promise you have not kept.

I was really angry with Him and so I raged and wept. 

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God, I cried you promised to grant my heart’s desire.

If I am not meant to mother then take away this fire. 

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God, I cried this fire has become so all consuming.

That if you do not take this pain I will be left assuming. 

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Assuming that I have some sin of which You’re past forgiving

 that you would not grant to me a child for which I’m living. 

~

But through all my selfish pleading I had misunderstood,

my child would not grow inside of me but instead come straight from God. 

~

God, I cried I get it. I know what being MOTHER is all about.

Thankyou for loving me and taking away the pain and doubt. 

~

My child will be a gift from You that you’d been planning all along.

The years of longing for them was just to keep me strong. 

~

It takes strength to be a mother and guide a child through life

and this is what you meant for me when I thought it was all strife. 

~

My child will come from  China, half a world away.

But I know that you are there with them and will bring them home to stay. 

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Then that child for which I’ve prayed will be in my arms at last

 to rest in that special place just below my heart. 

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God heard my heart’s sad whisper and in love he whispered back.

Don’t cry my precious Darling I will give you what you lack. 

~

So I will be a mother not one of blood and bone

                                                 I will kiss each little finger and thank God they are my own.  

A bright jewel with which I’ll crown my life.(For I am MOTHER now as well as wife.) 

~

This precious little person who will mean the world to me

will come from half way round it and what a  joy they’ll be. 

~

I am a mother now, though my child’s face I’m yet to see

Their waiting for me in China to bring them home with me. 

~

I wanted to be a mother and it was a slow slow start

But soon I will hold my little one right below (my) Mama’s heart.

~ Rachel Garlando 2006

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kimmy
    Mar 18, 2007 @ 17:36:58

    Oh Rachel, you are as talented as your adorable hubby!

    Reply

  2. Felicity
    Mar 22, 2007 @ 11:27:50

    Hi from an Aussie in Florida… I too am adopting and just came across your site. Very interesting. I will have to drop in every now and again… don’t be a stranger. Drop by any time. Take care… Felicity

    Reply

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