Heart Mama

Mother and Baby 

I wanted to be a mother right from the very start.

To find I could not bare a child nearly broke my heart. 


I wanted to be a mother and feel life grow beneath my heart

The knowledge of being barren was like a poison dart. 


I wanted to be a mother when others wanted the career. 

So when they became pregnant I did not want them near. 


I wanted to be a mother but instead felt that I’d been robbed.

In the darkness of my deep despair I cried out to my God. 


God, I cried you made me a promise you have not kept.

I was really angry with Him and so I raged and wept. 


God, I cried you promised to grant my heart’s desire.

If I am not meant to mother then take away this fire. 


God, I cried this fire has become so all consuming.

That if you do not take this pain I will be left assuming. 


Assuming that I have some sin of which You’re past forgiving

 that you would not grant to me a child for which I’m living. 


But through all my selfish pleading I had misunderstood,

my child would not grow inside of me but instead come straight from God. 


God, I cried I get it. I know what being MOTHER is all about.

Thankyou for loving me and taking away the pain and doubt. 


My child will be a gift from You that you’d been planning all along.

The years of longing for them was just to keep me strong. 


It takes strength to be a mother and guide a child through life

and this is what you meant for me when I thought it was all strife. 


My child will come from  China, half a world away.

But I know that you are there with them and will bring them home to stay. 


Then that child for which I’ve prayed will be in my arms at last

 to rest in that special place just below my heart. 


God heard my heart’s sad whisper and in love he whispered back.

Don’t cry my precious Darling I will give you what you lack. 


So I will be a mother not one of blood and bone

                                                 I will kiss each little finger and thank God they are my own.  

A bright jewel with which I’ll crown my life.(For I am MOTHER now as well as wife.) 


This precious little person who will mean the world to me

will come from half way round it and what a  joy they’ll be. 


I am a mother now, though my child’s face I’m yet to see

Their waiting for me in China to bring them home with me. 


I wanted to be a mother and it was a slow slow start

But soon I will hold my little one right below (my) Mama’s heart.

~ Rachel Garlando 2006


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kimmy
    Mar 18, 2007 @ 17:36:58

    Oh Rachel, you are as talented as your adorable hubby!


  2. Felicity
    Mar 22, 2007 @ 11:27:50

    Hi from an Aussie in Florida… I too am adopting and just came across your site. Very interesting. I will have to drop in every now and again… don’t be a stranger. Drop by any time. Take care… Felicity


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