it’s just a phone number

My Dad has been dead 6 years last November and his phone number is still in my mobile phone.

I can’t delete it. It’s there like an old cardigan he may have left on a chair. It’s all I have left off him.

That one way I had to contact a man who was not really apart of my life after my parents divorced.

That man who married again and embraced a new family, casting the old family off with his old life.

But regardless he was my dad and that number in my mobile was his number.

I wonder what would happen if I called that number? Would my step mother answer?

Would she hang up when she realised it was me?

This woman who insisted my dad’s first and second born were not recognised at the funeral.

Does this make me illegitimate?

To sit staring at the coffin of man who once hugged me and sang to me and loved me as his daughter.

But who now lays here with all the people of his new life, who are strangers to me .

One man asks me.‘Who are you?’

I reply, “I am Michael’s daughter”

“Really? I did not realise he had other children.”

I think to myself ‘other children? other children?’ Once there was a time when I was his only child. I was the reason he was called father.

But now I sit staring at the coffin of a stranger, while his friends bow their heads that he is gone and his ‘new’ family weep that he is no longer with them.

But once he was with me and I with him.

It still makes me sad…

Maybe next year I will delete the number from my phone. It might be easier then.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Margie
    May 15, 2008 @ 23:38:53

    (((((Hugs)))))

    Wish I had some words, but I don’t, except that this is a beautiful tribute to your Dad.

    Reply

  2. Janice K
    May 16, 2008 @ 08:46:04

    Hi Rach,
    It’s the memories that last, you have good memories of your Dad, focus on them, not a phone no, no one can take away your memories, thats why God gives us them. It’s so good to see you guy’s a family, even though I can’t imagine Albert as a daddy, you both look so happy in the photos, & it’s great to see, you must come and visit QLD sometime Movie world would be great, well I hope to hear soon.
    love always
    Janice

    Reply

  3. lifepundit
    Jun 17, 2008 @ 08:15:43

    Unless your phone is short of memory, leave it there as long as you want. There’s no virtue in deleting it, but you will know when it’s time for it to go.

    Now, if it’s bringing up more Wicked Step Mother memories than memories of your dad, that’s a kind of torture you don’t need.

    But if running across it while looking up another number brings serendipitous joy, well, how nice to have that little prompt.

    Beautiful tribute to your dad. Wicked Step Mothers always get it in the end so you can let her go.

    And look at what she missed out on by keeping you out of her life!

    Reply

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