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Right decisions can still leave sadness…

Lily with me at work on my last day.

Lily with me at work on my last day.

Well a lot has been happening around here of late.

I finished up work on the 29th of August to be a full time stay at home Mum. Best decision we ever made!! I love spending all my day with Lily and talking to her and learning more about her and how she thinks. It’s just awesome and a great priviledge too, as I know many women don’t ever get to experience this with their kids.

We had our first SW interview for baby number 2. (more on that in a moment)

Fu and Lily at the zoo

Fu and Lily at the zoo

We also recently went to the zoo with Aunty Celeste and Fu as well as Aunty Meg a few days later. Getting a yearly zoo pass was a wonderful idea and was well worth the price.

Each time we go Lily discovers some new animal. She loves learning the animal noises and seeing the babies with their mums.

Fu and Lily on a Lizard

Fu and Lily on a Lizard

Lily and Aunt Meg

Lily and Aunt Meg

Lily and NaiNai at Mosman

Lily and NaiNai at Mosman

Lily’s NaiNai has been with us for the past 2 weekscatching up with her granddaughter. Lily and NaiNai had a wonderful time and it was really good to have her with us.

Lily watering the Cherry Tomato

Lily watering the Cherry Tomato

Lily and I have planted a vegetable garden (in pots as we are only renting) and have just had a blast doing it. I have learnt that Lily hates grubs and worms and snails and basically anything that is small, alive and lives in the garden. She is such a girly girl. However she does love digging and watering the plants and watching them grow.

We are currently looking at different rental properties in the area where we can save a little bit more on rent and maybe have a bigger yard for some chooks and a garden. So we will see how that progresses.

Anyway back to the second adoption we were undertaking. We were going to try through Taiwan for our second adoption as we did not want to wait in the queue on the China program. Lily will be at least 7 or 8 before a sibling is allocated for her from China. DoCS state on their website that the waiting time is approx 3 years from DTC to allocation (Lily would be 5 turning 6) but if you look at the actual figures currently it has to be a lot longer unless something changes. We were in batch 31 and were allocated Lily in April 07. Batch 36 I think was recently allocated. Currently DoCS has 6 families in each batch and they currently have people waiting in Batches 76 or 77. So if you do the maths…18 months to get from batch 31 to batch 36. How long are people in batch 77 going to be waiting? Albert and I talked about it and just could not see oursleves parenting a baby/toddler at 45 years of age. We would like to be done with nappies and toilet training before we’re 40. So we decided to go through the Taiwan program as it is slightly faster as you must be practising Christians with a reference form your pastor. And you must also be able to prove your infertility. Tick Tick we can do that. Then comes the blow…..  Taiwan will not accept an application from us as I have ‘health issues’ they were quite firm on this and will not change their stance.

You see the reason I am infertile is because I have major hormone imbalances. I have an underactive Thyroid condition (Thyroid was removed in 2001), anyway because of this hormone imbalance that was never managed or picked up by previous doctors I basically have a really stuffed up system. I have leaky gut, polycystic ovaries, fatty liver, I produce no progesterone, I produce too much insulin and testosterone and anyway you get the idea. So bottom line is I am overweight and infertile but it can be rectified thanks to the best Dr in Sydney. Dr Marisa Stephenson of Hormone Health. She is confident with the right hormone therapy I can be completely cured, lose the weight and be normal for the first time in my life. This was all explained to the Taiwan Program but they were not interested.

Ironic really when you consider that all women are infertile due to a health issue. If they did not have health issue they would not be infertile.

So DoCS were very supportive and asked us to reconsider China or another program. We did this but none of the other programs were suitable for us and China is too long. So with a really heavy sadness we decided not to have anymore kids. Man! Even typing that down hurts. We prayed about it and feel we have made the right decision but it still hurts and makes me sad.

But there is so much to consider with adoption. The cost of adoption, the fact that your life is in limbo the wholetime you are waiting to be allocated. You can’t make decisions about moving house, going on holiday changing jobs taking on new projects until you know what is happening with the adoption. We really just want to get on with our life with Lily. She brings so much joy to our hearts. I am grateful every day that I am her mother.